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Thread: List of Tools and How to Use Them

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
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    Benton County, Missouri
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    Default List of Tools and How to Use Them

    A little Saturday Humor & Yes, Been There, Done That!

    BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
    WIRE WHEEL:Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh Nuts'. Will easily wind a tee shirt off your back.
    DRILL PRESS:A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
    Channel Locks: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
    HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
    VISE-GRIPS:Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
    OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
    TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal!!

    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

    BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. Also excels at amputations.
    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.
    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
    STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
    PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
    PVC PIPE CUTTER: A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
    HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object you are trying to hit. Also very effective at fingernail removal.
    UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. These can also be used to initiate a trip to the emergency room so a doctor can sew up the damage.
    S O B TOOL:Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling
    'you $ @ &#!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.



    SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Cornwall Ontario
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    898

    Default

    Lol this a very good carve for the shop wall. Have to add router table for manicure . Bin there done that.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Arkansas, USA
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    120

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smoken D View Post
    BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
    My dad was part of the crew that was building a house for his brother-in-law back in the mid 1950s. He decided a belt sander would help speed up the sanding process so he went out and bought the 30ish pound bad boy in the foreground of this picture:



    The first board he tried to sand with it didn't go too well. He sat the sander on the board, engaged the switch, shut the sander off, and dug the board out of the plaster wall behind him that they had just finished...

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Snellville, GA
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    1,475

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    Yes, we have most all seen a newbie attend an unscheduled sander race the first time they use one.
    Fair winds,

    Capt Bruce
    Kinney deSigns http://kinneydesigns.us
    CarveWright START U Team Member.

    30 year USN SEABEE, the original Weapons of Mass Construction.
    Designer Ver 1.187 and 2.007, Ver.3.001 One 2009 B CW w ROCK and a 5th Year Anniversary C CW
    Rotary Jig, 2D and 3D, Tracing Probe, DFX and STL Importers

    .

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Springtown, TX
    Posts
    676

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    we would sit on those bad boys and race across the shop on em. Now thats a good use of a tool!!!!!!!!
    Brent

    A,B machines, PE,probe,conforming vectors, centerline, 2d,3d,stl and dfx imprt, rotary , 3.xx, Pattern Sculptor
    OS X Yosemite

    Woodwork is what I do to pay for my tool addiction.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Benton County, Missouri
    Posts
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    Now what was that which Tim the Tool Man would say? "MORE POWER"!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    mira loma, ca
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    296

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    I knew I was using these tools correctly......lol

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Galloway Township (Egg Harbor City) NJ
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    4

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    Fantastic 😂

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