Here's a Few For Us Signmakers

[Digitalwoodshop]

Thank YOU....

AL

[fwharris]

Here are some more..

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
...
4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.

6.Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9.Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

10.Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.Law of the Theater &Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early,never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13.Murphy's Law of Lockers - I f there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

16.Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17.Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

[CNC Carver]

Nice quotes. Very funny.

[cnsranch]

Couple more from a married man

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot & love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & try not to understand her at all.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.

[fwharris]

Just adding to the list!

ADULT:

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR:

A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS:
The only meal you can eat before they are born or after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.


And MY Personal Favorite!!
WRINKLES:
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

[jaroot]

Here are some that I got off of a ATV forum that I frequent:

Me and you is friends
you smile, I smile...
You hurt, I hurt...
You cry, I cry...
You jump off Bridge
I gonna miss your E-Mails.

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Cow... What a ride!'"

"Oh I offended you with my opinion?
You should hear the ones I keep to myself."

[jaroot]

Here are some more from the other forum

Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light! <br />
TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE <br />
<br />
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.<br />
<br />
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. <br />
<br />
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. <br />
<br />
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. <br />
<br />
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. <br />
<br />
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. <br />
<br />
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. <br />
<br />
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. <br />
<br />
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. <br />
<br />
10.... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. <br />
<br />
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. <br />
<br />
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. <br />
<br />
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. <br />
<br />
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. <br />
<br />
15..Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? <br />
<br />
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it! <br />
<br />
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. <br />
<br />
18.. Procrastinate Now! <br />
<br />
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? <br />
<br />
20..A hangover is the wrath of grapes. <br />
<br />
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. <br />
<br />
22..Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! <br />
<br />
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. <br />
<br />
24..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. <br />
<br />
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. <br />
<br />
26..Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. <br />
<br />
27..The trouble with life is there's no background music. <br />
<br />
28..The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. <br />
<br />
29..I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. <br />
<br />
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! <br />
Life is too short and friends are too few!

[Bigtyme]

Thanks for the smiles....much needed after a "Monday"....

[lawrence]

Here's a sign I just made using my vinyl cutter-- no CW used unfortunately, but the text is useful for signmaking

A neighbor wanted to have this as a surprise wall-hanging to give to his wife-- it is her favorite saying and the overall design of this sign is from a picture she has.

The background is cedar fencing (well dried for the last few months in my shop) and the lettering was cut out with my vinyl cutter.

I'll tweak a letter or two tomorrow and put on a couple of overcoat coats of waterbased poly to seal in the vinyl.

Not much woodworking, but there was a little!



Thanks as always for looking,
Lawrence

[Bigtyme]

I really like the saying, Lawrence. My guess is it will be repeated a lot as more view it ... Well done and thank you for sharing...