List of Funny Sayings for Signs & Plaques

[lynnfrwd]

A while back, someone posted a list of funny sayings they had gotten from an email. I have been looking for that list and can't find it. I'm afraid it may be buried somewhere in the 90+ pages of "Let's Do Some Plaques and Signs".

I'm in need of one for my brother & sister-in-law. They hunt every chance they get, he is ex-Army Para-trouper, and both are very proud to call themselves "Rednecks".

Some I thought of for him, but I'm not thrilled with any of them:

Git R Done (his favorite saying)
Here's Your Sign! (of Bill Engvall fame)
Gone Hunting (which he either is, about to, or just got back)

Help! I would love your suggestions.

[fwharris]

Lynn,

Here is the link.. I thought it was Jerry who posted this and did a look through his posts to find it..
http://forum.carvewright.com/showthread.php?16667-Here-s-a-Few-For-Us-Signmakers&p=140997#post140997

[lynnfrwd]

Thanks fw!

I am reposting to this thread. Feel free to add more!

Others I created for Christmas gifts:
"Thyme began in a garden." (for my sister & brother-in-law)
"April's Showers Bring Mae's Flowers" (my mom's name is Mae & she gardens)



My Brother-In-Law sent me these - print 'em off, and put 'em in your file - they'll make for some pretty good signs for next craft fair.

Old Farmer's Advice

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”

“Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.”

“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”

“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”

“Words that soak into your ears are whispered…....not yelled.”

“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”

“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”

“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”

“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”

“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”

“Every path has a few puddles.”

“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”

“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”

“Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.”

“Don 't judge folks by their relatives.

“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”

“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.”

“Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”

“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.”

“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”

“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”

[cnsranch]

Glad they're getting some use.

Here are a couple more that folks seem to enjoy....

[lynnfrwd]

Ok, so I finally settled on a sign for my brother & sister-in-law.

It says:

"Home of a Hunter & his Dear!"

[TerryT]

Cool, let us see the design when done.

[lynnfrwd]

It's just centerline. I waited too long to get started.

[easybuilt]

Here are a couple more I like.

I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

[TerryT]

Here is one that I made for a hard core hunter about 4 years ago.

[alljoy]

I saw a saying on a sign yesterday that I really liked, "if idiots could fly, this place would be an airport".
Probably not politically correct at all, but my warped sense of humour enjoyed it.

[TerryT]

Maybe not PC... but I like it!!

[Capt Bruce]

Andre B. Baruch is credited with the saying that has sort of become my motto

"To me - Old age is always ten years older than I am."

[Dan-Woodman]

Jerry CNSRanch
I love the sign with the trees
later Daniel

[Ike]

How about this one!

A
Happy Wife
is a
Happy Life!

[dbfletcher]

How about this one!

A
Happy Wife
is a
Happy Life!



Hmmm... but im not sure that qualifies as "funny"... seems more like a threat if you DONT follow the saying.

[Ike]

Even true statements are funny!

[Gean]

How about this one:

To hunt or not to hunt?
What a silly question!

I made this using "to golf" instead of "to hunt" for a golfing buddy of mine.

Gean

[lynnfrwd]

Bringing back an old thread since it was brought up.

Here's one for mothers day (& a warning forthe kids):

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[easybuilt]

How about this one.


"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it."

[billybehr]

Bringing back an old thread since it was brought up.

Here's one for mothers day (& a warning forthe kids):

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You forgot the other half of that Lynn: "If Daddy ain't happy, who cares?!"

[lynnfrwd]

You forgot the other half of that Lynn: "If Daddy ain't happy, who cares?!"

My husband has never said that part of the saying.....hmmmmm...wonder why!?

[dcalvin4]

This is little bit dif version of the last saying from cnsranch,,,, Never pick a fight with an ole man,,,your gonna fell real bad tellen your wife ''Some ole man beat me up''
denny

[DocWheeler]

Maybe someone could carve this one.53172

[SharonB]

Now that's one I can relate to. I know of several people that's going to receive that one for Christmas.

[DocWheeler]

Here is another funny quote.
I did not have a headstone pattern to put it on, so I'll just include the whole email.

COWBOY TOMBSTONE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah!
I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest?
On his tombstone are his five rules for a happy life.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you
laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust,
and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed,
and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

[ladjr]

Those are words to live by

[fwharris]

Here is another funny quote.
I did not have a headstone pattern to put it on, so I'll just include the whole email.

COWBOY TOMBSTONE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah!
I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest?
On his tombstone are his five rules for a happy life.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you
laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust,
and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed,
and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

Good one Ken, words to live by for sure!

[badbert]

I bet there were four contributors to that headstone fund!

[lynnfrwd]

Bringing this old thread back to life.

[Deolman]

One of my favorites and good words to live by:

Never pass up a good opportunity to keep your mouth shut.

[SouthernSigns]

Something we use to have hanging in our old sign shop:

"If you want it fast and good, it wont be cheap...
If you want it cheap and fast, it wont be good...
If you want it cheap and good, it wont be fast!!"

[CNC Carver]

Nice one. That is something for people to keep in mind.

[Underdog]

Might as well add these to this list.

If at first you don't succeed, give up.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.

If at first you don't succeed, order pizza.

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0.

If at first you don't succeed, try management.

If plan "A "didn't work, don't worry, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

[atldal]

Saw this one on the internet the other day and thought it was funny....never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

[want2b]

Didn't find this one in a search, hope not a repeat. Got this on on a card for fathers day.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin

Was written on glass/mug shape.

Happy Fathers Day!!!!!

Rick H.

[SteveNelson46]

Johns-Hopkins Medical College recently completed a study on fat women and the direct correlation of life expectancy of their husbands who discuss this problem with them.

[SharonB]

Woodaholic n: One who can't control the urge to buy wood they don't have a project for.

[FWMiller]

Something we use to have hanging in our old sign shop:

"If you want it fast and good, it wont be cheap...
If you want it cheap and fast, it wont be good...
If you want it cheap and good, it wont be fast!!"

Another version of this one I have seen is " You can have it fast, cheap or good, pick any two."

[aokweld101]

Another saying for sign ;....... I'm not bossy.... I just know what you need to be Doing!